My Life’s Joys & Pains

Think the hardest part is how much love and attention we get while out from strangers mostly. Also some people I know too, of how good we look together and how much they like him from that one moment of conversation.  Then telling me he's a keeper and I picked a good one. The baby registry guy loved us! I know why too because he's so loving and attentive, sweet and charming. Unfortunately,  then to know he is leaving to go look at baby stuff with her and act the same way,  maybe get similar responses from strangers too. This really  really breaks down every chromosome and blood platelet I have embodied inside of my soul! Separates my laughs to sighs n tears my joy to nothing my dreams to jus anther dream n my hopes to sorrow of another tomorrow without him here but it will be clear.  Yet all my love soon will wither into dust for me to sprinkle across the water to say goodbye one day soon. Soon I won't feel this pain and can look back and smile. My Roller-coast...

Im So sad to being the midst of woman who get left for another love.. Never thought it could be me, I  know life comes with many pressures  and large amounts of pressure create diamonds ♦ ... N karma is always a bitch... Thought God answer my prayers for a good man n baby n family n marriage but i see i may have forced it without him cuz its all unraveling right in front of me,, every hour, ever dime, every pain, every visit, every stamp, every call, every time, every investment he deemed meaningless in just one weekend in one selfish act of disregard and inconsiderable amt of hate n ugliness toward me is undeserving And i feel so bad i cant protect our baby from this pain n only feel it myself.. I wish i could spare her losing a dad around her everyday but out of my control. God help me...

 I can't hate him anymore and hard to right now anyway.  Its still fresh n awkward btw us but he's trying to be there best he can. Came by today n cooked me dinner and rubbed my feet n went over daycare lists to visit soon.. So I  hav to adjust n deal with the different tone. The weird moments when he wants to hold me but I move. The stares that say I wish things were different but no words come out of your mouth.  I know  he loves me too,  but it's just really complicated and still a hold on his heart and body that I can't defeat.  He's her father and he'll be around for next 20+ yrs. He'll hav to deal with his own regrets in life and I know I'll be one of the good ones he lost. But I dont have any or want to share his, I want and love my unborn baby girl from the moment i knew she existed regardless if he there or not! I can only control myself and play my part and can't blame myself. It was never my fault or my issue so I won't take that burde...

Now that your gone Playing many sad love songs The house has a different tune All these months and I had no clue Happiest moment when you first said I love you Then the pregnancy test showed our love true Never more Happy then when I was looking at you You glanced back and i felt your love shine through But now that your gone You abandoned our love for an undeserving muse Now you tell me it's she you choose Left feeling misused and unamused Praying God spare our baby from your pain and early forms of emotional abuse I can't fathom anyone enduring this pain While growing that  love and hope with his last name Now that your gone Left embarrassed and in shame My tears fall upon our love Wiping my belly and embracing what's left of love A Love filled with lies and stuffed with cotton to look full I squeezed it and it felt real Never knew the stuffing he'd remove and leave desolate Take all my love and stuffing and give to another woman  he once knew S...

This Mother's Day weekend... wasn't spent with my love, my partner, and father of my child as it was planned. Unbeknown, he had other plans and abandoned us with a kiss to return, but only his scent remained.  He left on Friday, May 8th with loving smile and warmly embraced us both, to never be heard from on Saturday (our date night), or on Sunday (our first Mother's day out to church).  Each day passed I cried out to God in pain and questions of why me Lord, praying that my overwhelming sorrow bypassed our baby. Because she is way too innocent to know what being dumped felt like before even being held in our loving arms. For a minute,  it seemed as though God answered my prayers for a man and family then to have it go up in flames with the remaining soot on my face. My mind was racing and wondering where he was and if he was ok but deep down I felt another hearts gripping him close and strong enough to ruin our plans for  our new family made in love.  I ...