Day 1

 I can't hate him anymore and hard to right now anyway.  Its still fresh n awkward btw us but he's trying to be there best he can. Came by today n cooked me dinner and rubbed my feet n went over daycare lists to visit soon.. So I  hav to adjust n deal with the different tone. The weird moments when he wants to hold me but I move. The stares that say I wish things were different but no words come out of your mouth.  I know  he loves me too,  but it's just really complicated and still a hold on his heart and body that I can't defeat.  He's her father and he'll be around for next 20+ yrs. He'll hav to deal with his own regrets in life and I know I'll be one of the good ones he lost. But I dont have any or want to share his, I want and love my unborn baby girl from the moment i knew she existed regardless if he there or not! I can only control myself and play my part and can't blame myself. It was never my fault or my issue so I won't take that burden on my load! Pack light! No bag lady here! I'll find my own love soon too  #strongerbytheday

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